What gay unions don't guarantee
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By TARA SIEGEL BERNARD The New York Times - Published: November 4, 2008
Three states — Massachusetts, California and Connecticut — have legalized same-sex marriage. And now, three states, California among them, have proposals on their ballots this month to ban gay marriage.
But given that the federal government views same-sex married couples as perfect strangers, ineligible for the many federal rights given to opposite-sex married couples, the question for gay couples is this: Is it worth it to tie the knot?
For many couples, the answer is a resounding yes: The word "married" itself instantly conveys something that civil unions and domestic partnerships do not.
Yet purely from a financial perspective, it's hard to come to any sweeping conclusions. For couples living in states that offer marriage or civil unions — which provide many of the same rights as marriage — it definitely makes sense for them to be married if they have children, according to financial planners and estate planning lawyers. Those who make their relationship official may pay significantly less in state estate taxes. They will also gain important privileges, including hospital visitation rights and the ability to make medical decisions for a partner in emergencies.
Still, the many rights that marriage confers vaporize the moment couples step into a state that does not recognize their unions.
It is a tricky path to navigate, given the patchwork of state laws and varying grades of benefits they provide. Besides the three states that allow marriage — Connecticut made it legal in October — New Jersey, New Hampshire and Vermont allow civil unions, which generally approximate marriage. Oregon provides something similar, but calls it domestic partnership. The District of Columbia, Hawaii, Maine, Washington and other jurisdictions provide certain rights under domestic partnership laws. The constant state of flux, as illustrated by this year's ballot, makes it all the more complicated.
"It really depends on where you are standing," said David Buckel, marriage project director and senior counsel at Lambda Legal in New York. "More than 40 states have passed statutes to confirm that same-sex couples are not allowed to marry."
There are also certain reasons not to marry. It could ruin your chances of adopting a child from abroad, for example, because many countries do not allow openly gay couples to adopt.
Many couples make the leap, even knowing their legal standing will not be equal to that of opposite-sex couples. Jeff Friedman and Andrew Zwerin, both 40 and residents of Rockville Centre, N.Y., decided to marry as soon as California legalized it in May. They were wed in Palos Verdes Estates, Calif., on Oct. 12.
Their new status means they can qualify for lower car insurance premiums because they are no longer considered "single males." And they hope their marriage will give them more legal standing if their son, Joshua, 5, lands in the emergency room because of his asthma. The last time he was admitted, the pediatric nurse told the two dads that she needed to speak with the child's mother.
But, Friedman said, they are well aware that their marriage carries no weight when it comes to, say, filing their federal tax return (though they can file a joint state tax return, which will allow them to keep more of their earnings). And the marriage certificate is flimsy when the couple leaves New York, which honors same-sex marriages performed elsewhere. On family vacations, the pair will continue to bring along a slightly torn manila folder, stuffed with documentation — birth certificates, health care proxies, powers of attorney and all of their son's adoption records — that proves they are a family.
"Our hope is that also providing a marriage license might help provide additional documentation for proof of how we are all related," Friedman said.
"I want to make sure my son is taken care of if something were to happen to me."
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